Ok. I had to find a thesaurus for that title, but don’t let my pretentiousness repel you from this discussion.

One of the things that has always bothered me about a LOT of rappers (even the ones I like) is this recurring theme of kidnapping and/or swag-notyzing YOUR girl (or you, if you’re the object of affection, here) away from her otherwise-beloved man, John Q. Listener. Obviously it goes way deeper than just romanticizing the coronary thievery, and even gets downright disrespectful on many a thugged-out occasion, but it seems that the theme is pretty well maintained if you look around The Game.

“We got syndication, our shit go hardest–
And that’s why she chose and that’s why you losing, my nigga you garbage
Not to be harsh but fuck it, your bitches look parched and busted
And I bet that you be carpet munching…” – Pac Div

Here, not only is Like saying that your girl chose him, but also 2) you’re garbage AND 3) apparently every woman you’ve everselected (including the one that is all over his nuts at the moment) is unappealing. Without too much time to reflect on the self-canceling logic of that brag, that’s a diss to everything you stand for. Yet and still, you’re supposed to love it enough to keep buying more singles, more concert tickets, and more merch from them. But the head-scratching doesn’t just stop at quick jabs…

“Gradually I’m taking over your bitch
Coming over your shit
Got my feet up on you sofas, man
I mean a hostess for my open hand
You coming home to dishes and empty soda cans
I got your bitch up in my Rover man
I never kiss her, I never hold her hand
In fact I diss her I’m a bolder man
I’mma pimp her, it’s over man” – Jay-Z, Is That Your B!tch

Jay takes it to another level with the trespassing and abuse of YOUR home, and the defilement of your significant other, whom he plans to pimp for whatever he can get out of her (possibly even some of your favorite possessions, seemingly just to spite you). To be a fan of Jay-Z’s, you gotta really be oblivious to the target of all this rhetoric, because this goes H.A.M. as far as deprecation goes.

Not you too, Timbaland.

Why yes, Casting Director, that is my chick…thank you for the flattery.

I can’t wrap my mind around how it’s been cool for so many years for rappers to just stomp out our egos while we continue to reach up for melodic mercy, almost as if it’s not us these rhymes are aimed at. But if not us, then who? Who are the wack cats, who are the weak dudes that all of our favorite rappers seek to disparage?

And while we’re at it, who are these bitches that just get happily one-and-done’d? I mean, I know there are groupies out there, but I mean what’s going on with your priorities, groupie ladies? Do you really think that what you got in between your thighs/lips is strong enough to bring down the titans of hedonism that a lot of these guys claim to be? Did Superhead really influence a generation of girls who are literally bound to the goal of getting a book deal strictly off of eschewing a lifetime of dignity for a few sessions of succubus-…erm…-ing? I have a hard time believing that, especially with progressive feminism running rampant out there these days.

Which brings me to another point: black women, why is it ok to dance to music that objectifies and denigrates you so? EVERY! EV-ER-Y song in the club finds a way to make you feel like you’re at least one of a few things:

  1. Enterprising Ho, ready to make her own money doing ‘Ho things’
  2. Gold Digger Ho, looking for a baller to take care of her lazy ass
  3. Enamored Ho, swept up in the non-existent romance between you and your future baby-daddy, the Rapper (specifically, the one that uses the most Auto-Tune)
  4. High Class/High Maintenance Ho, the one that none of the men here are worthy of
  5. Deaf & Dumb Ho, that would otherwise find these lyrics egregiously unacceptable if she broke them down, except for the fact that she blocks out the lyrics when listening unless they’re REALLY catchy

Let the record show, all I did was go to the Billboard top 20 Hip-Hop and R&B charts to find these. Ipso facto.

But back to the fellas. Now guys, do y’all really think it’s cool to be clowned by this dude?

Jokes on…you?

I just find it disparaging that we spend so much time lauding all of these supposed Rap stars, what with their homophobia and wild self-aggrandizing and blatant misogyny and the like. And people wonder why nobody respects Rap as an art, nor even a valid form of Entertainment on par with today’s Rock & Roll for that matter. That all depends on who you talk to, of course, but it’s not hard to see that we as a culture are fully allowing ourselves to be misrepresented by the very people we seek to tell our stories. The it takes two to be in an abusive relationship, and it’s time we looked in the mirror to finally take some of the blame for where we’ve allowed this medium to go with its messages.

Suffice it to say, I could go full-on dissertation with this breakdown of one of the most popular, most chest-bangingest, most insecurity-overcompensatingest Hip-Hop tropes…but I don’t get paid for this ish. You discuss. I have a demo to download.